She called to today. She called me at work to ask where her mail is. She called to say she is getting the rest of her things and leaving me. She is leaving me not to discover who she is but to move in with the new boyfriend. Maybe through him she can finally find herself but I really doubt that. It would be one thing if they weren't involved and just roommates but they aren't he's 30 and has lived a life. She is 23 and is just starting hers. Everyone said it wasn't a good idea when we moved in together because we were both young, but I think we can all agree that this is a terrible idea. I've tried to tell her that she really needs to be on her own to find out who she really is. I used to hold hope that she would come back to me. I find that less important these days as I shouldn't have to wait around for anyone.
Maybe when everything works out and we both have lived a full life we can come full circle. I still keep in contact with her through email and I still talk to her family. It's just odd not telling the younger ones that me and Melissa aren't together. Just the other day Stefanie asked me if I loved her. I still do, that will never change. Melissa still loves me, but we aren't in love with each other. Not like lovers, not like siblings, we are just old flames that can reminisce (butchered) to old events.
Now all I have to look forward to is the future and whats around the corner. I've been eating healthier, going out more often (even without a car) and spending more time among my friends and family. I guess we consumed each other until there was no more of left and now we are dependent on others to get through our days.
I like talking to the females about what happened. The ones I know are good listeners and offer usefule advice. Advice that I can't get from guys. (The answer always seems to be to fuck the best friend. But what if the best friend was u? sleep with her homegirl, she doesn't want anything to do with it) Carlechia she sees it for what it is. She's been down this road and knows it only gets better. I think deep down in my heart I'll always have a place for her. I'll always hold out hope that it will work out one day. But I'm just putting ice on a bruised heart and letting the healing take its course. There are a lot of beautiful women in South Florida; I've noticed them before but I'm really noticing them now.
Posted by yardie at October 15, 2004 3:42 PM