I have a confession to make. I quit my job lastweek and I enjoyed it. The relief followed by the hard feelings makes one feel alive. But now the cold, hard reality of living on nothing is starting to set in. I gotta get a job soon, one that I will feel good about and not be desperate to take.
Melissa and I had a long talk this weekend. I lot of bad blood was spilled and I think I might be losing my mind. But I gotta remain in control. It goes the same way always. We talk, we make up, we get into another fight, this time it was almost physical between us. Why can't I live it alone? I don't know.
If everything does work out between me and her only time and a lot of healing will tell.
Weekends in Miami can be real depressing sometimes. You would think there would be more sunshine but some days it ain't. Friday night was mundane and cold. I sat around drinking and watching movies with Mike. Fell asleep early and thought I might do something productive saturday. I didn't even do that. Melissa called me complaining about the website. And the cellphone bill. I love being a pain in da ass ;-P. But it keeps a channel open between the two of us (really, who calls to make sure you pay the bill on time unless that junk is really past due).
Lately, I've been wishing for a lot. I think I'm going to turn into a bald imp if all my eyelashes fall out. Wishing for more money, wishing for a better life, wishing for more brain power. And I wish I had a girl that was in love with me. Barring that, I guess I'll have to focus on the brainpower/money portion of my life.
Sit and spin on this while I run off to take care of business.
Happy New Years everyone. I haven't posted here in a minute due to the fact that I was busy with moving, the holidays, approaching project deadlines 12/31/04, and working on my other blog. If you've followed my story so far it's been a crazy year of promises, broken promises, missed opportunites, new beginnings, and closing chapters.
So lets review what was and wasn't happening in my life in the'04:
New Years Eve 2003 ended with a bang and a rave. Me and Melissa got off to a good start, or so I thought. While we certainly had our problems in 2003, 2004 was looking good, I had a good job, my own apartment, Alice (my car) wasn't giving me problems or costing me a fortune, and I was finally saving money instead of spending it all the time. Up to now being college educated closed more doors than it opened for me.
I took a trip to Monacco in France to put on a yacht award show for Battle. I had a lot of fun and finally took my spanish teacher's advice to see the rest of the world. So I took the opportunity to see Monacco, parts of Italy, and if I had more time Paris. I flew in a helicopter, took a cold walk in the Mediterranean sea, and got to whip around in a Maybach 62 for a little while. I saw yachts, sailboats, and catamarans. Learned a little of the local dialect, and put on an awesome show.
Then at some point things went from being moderately good to down hill fast. My license was suspended for too many points. Alice was having issues and stalled any chance she could. Melissa was constantly complaining about her jobs, either she didn't like this one or had issues with this person. 4 hurricanes in six weeks didn't help either.
Then a few days before my birthday 9/22 the bottom fell out on my life. Melissa had been spending more and more time with her friends. I later learned she was checking the next man. Then she moved out on me, sticking me with no transportation, no way to get to work, and no answers about anything.
We tried to work it out. It was more like I was trying and she stopped by to make herself feel better.
I've always tried to abstain from any chemicals but I became dependent on sleeping pills just to make it through the night. My tolerances built up so I went from taking one a night to one every hour just to get some sleep. With my life falling apart I decided I needed a change. At this point it was either Miami or New York City. Miami here I come.
I almost lost my job due job performance issues due to "lack of focus" which I blame on the crisis I was dealing with earlier. This just spurred me into proving my relevance while also making me realize I have to start taking care of myself. So I started pursuing other interests, started the process of enrolling into school (FIU), and gave the leasing office my 60 days notice. I'm also looking for a new job. I think it's time for me and Battle to part ways.
Now I'm living the life I shoulda had when I finished school. I have an apartment in downtown Miami, I keep myself busy with all the new friends I've made and all my different little projects. While being Melissa was fun while it lasted I no longer have the burden of having to look out for her wellbeing. It's just me and whether I sink or swim is totally up to me.
2005 is going to be a good year. I'm still young, motivated, and now realize the opportunities that await me. While I do not make resolutions for New Years I do make goals. I plan to get that Acura TL by the end of the year. Believe that!