I haven't been posting to the blog as much as I hoped I would. I've just been real busy lately trying to get things moving in my life. I've been struggling to pay off the apartment. Check. Struggling to pay utilities and bills. Check. And now I'm going to try the biggest stunt of them all and try to get insurance for my car. All those speeding tickets are really adding up now, which sucks completely. But with me moving out of the apartment in a few short weeks it will be worth it. I just can't wait to leave the place. It's still awkward sleeping there. I wake up totally exhausted in the morning and I do this everynight for the past two months. Melissa was almost completely out my mind until lastnight. I'll discuss that later.
Back to me, I've been shopping my skills out to various agencies and anyone that might remotely have an interest in a .NET developer. I took one of those brainbench test and totally bombed one of the exams (C#), the one that I have the most experience in, go figure! I guess there was a reason why I've been reluctant to take the exams; I do really bad on them, devastatingly bad. But all wasn't lost, I explained to the recruiter that I haven't been feeling well and she said I could take the long form version, good for me. Picked up one contract job and waiting to hear from another. This will be a very loooonnnnngggg month.
So on to the title of today's blog. I met up with Juan lastnight at a recording studio. Walk in bullshit hook his boy up with final cut pro. I was wearing the Apple shirt melissa gave me from the store and ol boy mentioned that he know a lot of people from apple. Including this girl name Melissa. Small world isn't it? Melissa mentioned that she was at a recording studio w/ her new man like a month ago, but I didn't know it was the same people. So ol boy tellin me how him and Bryce been friends for a minute since New York. I was getting mad uncomfortable and I mentioned that me and Bryce don't see eye to eye. And I thought about going down to Apple to beat the shit outta him. In the end me and him is cool, he told me some shit that unfortunately makes sense. 'If a girl check a man, she check a man, nuthin u can do.' Melissa got no one to blame but herself for this event. When we broke up I treated myself like the loser and took all the blame for why the relationship was failing, but I realized she been fucking it up for a long time and this would be the inevitable outcome.
For me, it's back to the game. I did see Melissa at the store. A little thinner, a lot more stressed out. She cut off all her hair, and her skin looks bad. Maybe karma does work out. If I met her now I sure as hell wouldn't want to holla at her. The new girls been keeping my phone in heavy rotation. As far as verizon is concerned, I'm fucked. I blew up that plan like dynamite. I gotta get a bigger plan.
I've been spending some time reflecting on my self, my life, and the changes I'm enduring. I read a Salon article this morning about keeping contact with exes. I've had a loosely followed rule about that. None, no contact, no friendship, no feelings, and no thoughts. With Melissa I've broken all those rules and I'm paying for it. I don't see myself being friends with her for a long time, I'm not in a rush to be her friend either, but I do talk with her family. "Sometimes people who've put us through hell seem to call out of the blue just to remind us of the hell we're putting ourselves through right now..." which is unfortunately right. I'm trying to change into a better person. A person who is different than the one you left, one who will be successful, brilliant, and blessed. Rather than run to the next woman I'm taking this time out to see what I really want in a woman and my life. You told me that's what you wanted but I guess you don't know what you really want. I'm getting better, stronger, and even though it's great to have people you can rely on, I could never rely on you. And you resented me for that! Too bad for you.
Until next time homies. Check the radio
If you were wondering where I was I was in the Bahamas for most of last week. Took the family vacation with the 'rents to Paradise Island. And I took a lot of pictures. No an insane fill the camera to bursting amount of pictures. I took so many damn pictures I spent about $25 in batteries on that damn camera. Which makes me realize that my camera sucks ass. It's old and big and batterylife sucks and its getting beat the hell up.
But yeah it was great. Atlantis hotel is the hotness. Wish I had found out about it earlier. I really wish me and Melissa were still together to enjoy it. I could here it in her voice when I told her where I was going that she was a little miffed about it. I certainly wished things had turned out different.
Make it even worse I woke up all the time from dreaming about her. Wanting to know what she was doing, what she was thinking. It gave me plenty of opportunity to enjoy the night though. I watched a lunar eclipse from my hotel balcony, watched the surf in the moonlight, and enjoyed the sharks in the dark. It's a good thing the place is running 24 hours (well the casino anyway) because it was relaxing to take a stroll at 2am by the beach and listen to the waves break. I sometimes thought about sleeping out there then realized I would be eaten alive by the bugs on the beach.
Plenty of pictures and stories to tell later.