Only a few more days and I'm off to the Bahamas! To bad Melissa won't be joining me but oh well, she made her bed, she has to lie in it. I've slowly gotten out of my funk. I'm eating more, sleeping more (a little) and thinking about her less. Friends are the best, always trying to get you to do other things and talking nasty shit about the ex so you feel a little better. Next time you are in a relationship, dump her before she dumps you!
I'm moving out of my apartment. Fuck that place! I was only staying there for Melissa and it was a decent base of operation. I'm calling around and looking at a few places in Miami, near downtown or the beach. I just need to get away.
On the platter this month
Be easy nukka!
I guess I can't help but wonder what went on. Where did we go wrong? It's been a month since she moved out and I can't help but feel sick over it. She came by lastnight. We spent the night talking, she studied a little. And we fell asleep I holding onto her. We talked about being together, we talked about trying again, we talked and talked until we finally slept. I kept waking up throughout the night thinking that I was going to lose her again. This was a dream and the reality is she has her own place now and is living with him.
I don't know exactly what they are either. First they were in love, now he's a roommate. I guess tomorrow they will be lovers again. Thats what hurts most of all.
I spoke to her today. She said she needed space, but just lastnight we were going to reconcile. I don't know what happened between the time I left for work and the time you called but something changed in your mind. It's killing me inside not trying to talk to you but it seems everytime we talk you just want to turn the life a little more. I don't think this is going to work for me.
I'm setting myself free. I decided that there is no love in this apartment. We got it because it was our space, it damn sure isn't mine and I don't intend on keeping it. I'm giving the leasing office my 60 days notice and getting a new place. I need to be around other people and having roommates might be a a good move for me.
She called to today. She called me at work to ask where her mail is. She called to say she is getting the rest of her things and leaving me. She is leaving me not to discover who she is but to move in with the new boyfriend. Maybe through him she can finally find herself but I really doubt that. It would be one thing if they weren't involved and just roommates but they aren't he's 30 and has lived a life. She is 23 and is just starting hers. Everyone said it wasn't a good idea when we moved in together because we were both young, but I think we can all agree that this is a terrible idea. I've tried to tell her that she really needs to be on her own to find out who she really is. I used to hold hope that she would come back to me. I find that less important these days as I shouldn't have to wait around for anyone.
Maybe when everything works out and we both have lived a full life we can come full circle. I still keep in contact with her through email and I still talk to her family. It's just odd not telling the younger ones that me and Melissa aren't together. Just the other day Stefanie asked me if I loved her. I still do, that will never change. Melissa still loves me, but we aren't in love with each other. Not like lovers, not like siblings, we are just old flames that can reminisce (butchered) to old events.
Now all I have to look forward to is the future and whats around the corner. I've been eating healthier, going out more often (even without a car) and spending more time among my friends and family. I guess we consumed each other until there was no more of left and now we are dependent on others to get through our days.
I like talking to the females about what happened. The ones I know are good listeners and offer usefule advice. Advice that I can't get from guys. (The answer always seems to be to fuck the best friend. But what if the best friend was u? sleep with her homegirl, she doesn't want anything to do with it) Carlechia she sees it for what it is. She's been down this road and knows it only gets better. I think deep down in my heart I'll always have a place for her. I'll always hold out hope that it will work out one day. But I'm just putting ice on a bruised heart and letting the healing take its course. There are a lot of beautiful women in South Florida; I've noticed them before but I'm really noticing them now.
I gotta get it off my chest, but besides Miami and the college towns public transportation down here sucks. My car has been outta commission for the last few months. I'm trying my hardest to save up for the down payment on a new one, but with the rapid increase of my finances that is getting to be all but impossible.
Before we fell apart, Melissa was my main mode of getting around, we did everything together, grocery shopping, sightseeing, going to work, going out to dinner, going out to see friends and family. Now I have none of that. If I want to do something I have to wait for one of my friends gets in my area to come scoop me.
At first I didn't mind, I guess with me not driving at all I could save more for the car that I wanted. But now I feel trapped in my housr. nothing is ever conveniently by.
MELISSA, WHERE ARE U?
I want you home. We can work it out. You'll get your own place and I'll get mine. I just want you back in my life. It's been a really sad, slow love song since you left. I'm just confused and so are you. How do you make the one you want want you back? The riddle will never be revealed.